Uphill idealist

These words struck a chord in my heart... "What most often stops me achieving freedom is my tendency to be caught up in fears and expectations about what I 'ought' or 'should' be. My usual automatic responses tie me down and inhibit me from exploring new areas of growth." (Sacred Space) May I not be automatic in how I live, love and move through life. God help me to just "be" in you're presence today.

I had a hard time sleeping last night. I had the sniffles. I was worried about what the work week ( as short as it was) entailed for me as my family was off on Christmas Holiday. I wanted to be with them. In my pj's and enjoying the pause after the hectic holiday season. But no. I had to go back to the office. Whine, wimper, sigh... (These were my thoughts as I dozed off last night.) "KLUNK! Thud! Giggle... Giggle ...Giggle!" Were the noises I awoke to this morning @ 6:30 am. As I opened my suprised eyes, here comes my husband and teenage daughter with Hot Oatmeal, English muffin with orange marmalade, and fresh coffee with toffee creamer. Wow. This was not the morning I had expected. My family made me breakfast in bed. It wasn't Mother's day, heck it wasn't even christmas... it is December 28th and I got to have breakfast in bed with my entire family ( my son had invaded our cozy covers at some point in the wee hours of the night). Thanks guys. You made going...

I came across this exercise a while back, but thought more folks may like to try it out. Happy praying! Tara

teach me how to see hey broken one hey you who hurt look at me let your eyes lock on to mine and shed the hidden secrets of your troubled journey your interrupted innocence the muddied waters of your broken memories teach me how to see teach me how to see because i am blinded by my dollar bills and the light of my impending career but i want to see i want to see who you are who God created you to be who He wants you to become so take my trembling finger and place it gently on that part of you that hurts that lurks in darkness that suffers in silence because i want to feel your pain but i have ignored my own pain for so long i have forgotten how to feel but my desire shrouded in frustration my desire is to see and feel that broken space because i am confident that my healer the wonderful counselor the pierced one can come and heal as he's done for me so would you give me your eyes? lend me your heart? i want to feel i want to see i want to LIVE and i want to say in my own stuttering...

I had hoped to hear some good news earlier this week. I have come to realize how important this matter has become to me. I'm blessed in so many ways, why is it that this ONE thing has seem to overshadow all the great things in my life? Some of my myspace friends would say I'm being "emo"about this, because I feel as if I could write many, many sad poems while I continue to wait for this issue to be worked out. I'm tired of the word - Issue. So many of us have them and we become so wrapped up in them - it's impossible to see anything else but - the issue. This situation isn't what I thought it would be, but it is. It is. It is. I want to be wise, thoughtful and patient in this whole matter... but I'm not. I feel so tired of waiting. As the dawn of a new year approaches, I desire for freedom - progress and movement. This is my prayer. As I wait. As I trust. Open the doors that seem stuck - help me to become unstuck - help me to not be the issue anymore...

* For what am I most grateful? Least grateful? * When did I give and receive the most love? The least love? * When did I feel most alive? Most drained of life? * When did I have the greatest sense of belonging? Least sense of belonging? * When was I most free? Least free? * When was I most creative? Least creative? * When did I feel most connected? Least connected? * When did I feel most fully myself? Least myself? * When did I feel most whole? Most fragmented?" (ltuande2.blogspot.com/ ie. mary) In light of looking at the guidelines for SWB - I think I'd like to alter my approach to the question this week. Instead of the "whole/fragmented" - I'm taking the idea and going with the words: Most grounded/least grounded. This last week has been a combination of letting go and holding on to many different things. At work, our team succeeded in distributing 610 bags of toys/gifts for the children in our community, as well as Christmas dinner for almost 500 families. It ...

Three years ago on December 4th, my Grandpap passed away in a Pittsburgh Hospital. He was 91 years old and had lived a full and ripple filled life. Before he passed away, I had the privilege of visiting him in hospital. … The hallway was brightly lit with fluorescent lights and my shoes squeaked on the shiny tile floor. I could smell cleaning supplies from the newly buffed floor and could sense the importance of this visit in the pit of my stomach. My Mom walked beside me and tried to put on a happy face, but the sadness and worry in her eyes gave her away. As I walked into Pap's room, I had prepared myself for him to not know me. To my happy surprise, I heard his familiar warm voice say, " I know who that pretty girl is over there, that's my Tara!" We sang songs to Pap, so many that I can't recall how much time we spent. I had moments where the emotion of the song came pouring out of my tear filled eyes. Mom had to sing louder when that happened. When Grandpapa s...

Me, myself and I... My laughter is loud and fast and free when the people around me aren't embarassed to be laughing right along-side of me. My smile is bright and sharp and sweet - most people smile back when they see me on the street. My tears are close to the exit of my eyes. Appreciating the sentimental is just part of the prize. Me, myself and I just adore the time when conversation is more about words, cleverness or pride. Me, myself and I love to see the heart that was so heavy - released to be free. Me, myself and I desire to become just who we should be: honest, loving and unafraid to be... ME! Laughter, smiles and tears are a part of who I am to become - who I was at the start. Give it a chance, allow me some room and you'll get to meet me myself and I pretty soon. PS. Here are just two wonderful people that make it easy to be me: Thanks Angie, Jackie and Mary ( took this photo) for loving me as I am - back at you!

I got to watch "it's a wonderful life" tonight while I was wrapping some presents and getting the christmas tree started. I loved this flim whan I was little and I still love it to this day. It's the concept that we don't see while we're present, but is so obvious when we're not. Each life touches another. Easch person ripples to the next. What would our daily lives become if we were more aware of this importance? I know when I'm having a tough day that if I go and visit my great nephew Eli - he will put a smile on my face in less than 10 seconds. When my husband comes to pick me up at work on the Friday of a long week - Smile instantly appears on my face. Where would I be without them and where would they be without me? May all the ripples of your life bring pools of smiles you're way and back again.

I had a chance last Saturday to have a "craft day" with my kids and a few close friends. It's amazing what can be created with 4 tables of art supplies and the imagination of about 30 people, I made a twig doll. a christmas gift that I can't at this moment announce and helped my kids tinker away for about 3 hours. The time went so quickly and my son said -" How can it be 2pm - it seem like an hour. Not so bad for a initially sceptical ten year old boy, who thought I was taking him to a "girls" party. Not so much after all. On the other side of creative is my work world. It's partly because the season is crazy busy and I spend my day driving on erands, walking on errands and moving mass quantities of stuff on all my work errands. There is little time to reflect, let alone take my coat off - so I think this is why I feel least creative there. I'm not really sure how to work that one out - I'm just trying to be patient and borrow my son's I...

What makes me feel most alive: One hour and counting to load in... The soda, water, chips and ice are packed into the back of my overloaded Buick. The venue is putting our info up on the marque as I type. ( Gosh - I have a marque!) I'm waiting for the all relaxing call from the bands letting me know if they made it across the border. I'm so excited for the possibilities and opportunity of this evening. Thank you all who have helped in any way: carrrying chairs, selling soda, posted flyers and all that it takes to put a show together. Cheers - Here's to pre- show butterflies! May all that attend this evening be aware of God's generious, loving and caring spirit. We would all be out in the cold without him. Post Show: There are connections that only God can trace into our lives if we give Him the space and time to finish the dot - to - dot puzzle. Our dear friend James - came from the TV station and shot footage for the evening local news, our friend Brad came to show h...

Least Connected is how I feel when all the rushing to duties removes the possibility of time to steal a chat, a smile, a hug or a look. Most Connected is how I feel when the friend that I'm thinking of digits are on my caller id blinking. Least Connected is what happens when my life has lifted, out of my hands and placed within reach of someone that would be happy to see: me pushed, shoved and locked into their controlling, cold, dark closet. Most connected is what happens when walking down a November street - a resturanteur friend I know shouts, "Hey Tara come in, relax and take the world off your feet. Inhale Exhale Connect and Release. Connections that teach me how to live are the ones that I keep. Most connected is the "Wow" moment when I realise that the people that try to confine me are really the helpless captives in disguise. Isolation and division break the foundations of a plan. Purpose, excitement, encouragement and vision help me to stay focused and s...

Here is my first effort with Imovie. I hope you enjoy the fun like the Secret Squirrels did!

In honour of the upcoming holiday, I wrote a little ditty for my kids church group in order to encourage "thankfulness". (To the tune of Jingle Bells) Turkey Legs, Turkey Legs, Turkey Legs - Hooray! Thanksgiving time is coming, Harvest is on the way. Cranberries, Pumpkin Pie and Gravy all the day. Thanksgiving time is coming soon, so give your thanks today! _________________________________ I'm thankful for my husband - who comes to church dinners when he dosn't have to. I'm thankful for the groceries in my lazy susan - I could feed my family for a few days off of the many items that are on that circular food store. I'm thankful for the ability to share what I can with others. I'm thankful for God's mercy and grace & how he has been with me through everything! My children's smile and antics. They are memory makers. Add your thanks in the comment box if you like... Peace and Joy...

I got a new haircut. I got jammies. My almost 10 year old son thinks that they are cool enough to wear to work. Don't I wish I could. I long for newness. Like the new car smell, minus the car payment. How about the way red hair color looks when it's fresh. I always hate it when it fades. I yearn for the vivid, creative, life-giving moments that suprise and keep me facinated about the sychronicity of life. Hair cuts, jammies and sychronicity. You'll only find all three of those things discussed here at the Uphill Idealist. It's that kind of place. PS> You can wear your jammies when you visit - if you want too. Enjoy.

When do I feel the least Creative? When do I Feel the most Creative? --------------------------- Officially it's Monday. Today is sleeping bread day. Today's the day for laundry catch-up. Today is grocery day. Creative - I don't feel it. It just kinda takes over me. There could be piles of laundry and a fridge that's almost empty. Creative is what happens when I open the post for this blog. Creative is what happens when I see beauty in the odd. Creating - I know I need it. Like tea and sympathy. Created - Yes I am, and I'm trying to be simply me. Today is sleeping bread day, I'm sorry to miss last weeks'. Creating is what I'm here for. Anything else would just be - cheap.

I have been working on a benefit concert for my local soup kitchen and have had a great deal of help with getting this graphic and project together. Thanks to Audio Closet for working so flawlessly on the booking and planning for the OOTC Tour. Thanks to Jamie for listening to me dream and rant on and on about it. Thanks to Michael and Tim Johnson for the finishing touches on the flyer. Thanks to Westminster for sponsoring the event and having the vision to see the opportunity for such projects as this concert. Thanks to God for putting all the pieces together with the venue ( Reg Lenna Studio/Tonic Production), WRFA in Jamestown and St. Susan Center. Please try to make it to this event, but if you can't come to this event, I hope you will be willing to pray for us and the hearts of the people that will be with us on December 4th. I hope that you're holiday season is cheery and bright and that you will be kept out of the cold physically, emotionally and spirtually as well. Peac...

So if Monday is to be SWB day, Tuesday can be Quiz day. I was hoping I'd end up being like Amelie! I love this film. Amelie: a Definitive Character Quiz You are Amelie Poulain! At least, you should be. You have a whole movie named after you and apparently, you like green and red. Most likely, you are quiet, shy, but into helping people. It starts off with Bretodeau and heads into helping more people. But, what about you, petite Amelie? Live. It is a difficult time for dreamers. And you most likely will find your soul mate in people like, Nino. Quinze, indeed. Take this quiz ! Quizilla | Join | Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

For what am I most grateful? Least grateful? Most grateful: I am grateful for the air in my lungs. I am grateful for the love of my ones. I am grateful for the grace that you give. I am grateful for the life that I live. I'm not grateful for the sadness I feel, or the conflicts I face. I'm not grateful for the anger I sense or the rat-racedness of my pace. Help me to breathe deep, Help me to experience the love and grace you pour into my life. Help me to to remember to be grateful and to trust you with all my strife. Help me to remember you've felt all I feel, and that you too are grateful for my life. Tara Lamont

A blogging friend of mine started this exercise in August of this year. I was fascinated as a fellow blogger, but never quite got around to the practice of it until now. In light of the fact that I'm writing about being an "uphill idealist" and the balance of life and the hope to carry on in the midst of everything - I think "Sleeping with Bread"'s time has come for me. Please see Mary's excellent explination below. Bread to come soon! "During the bombing raids of WWII, thousands of children were orphaned and left to starve. The fortunate ones were rescued and placed in refugee camps where they received food and good care. But many of these children who had lost so much could not sleep at night. They feared waking up to find themselves once again homeless and without food. Nothing seemed to reassure them. Finally, someone hit upon the idea of giving each child a piece of bread to hold at bedtime. Holding their bread, these children could finally sle...

I had a plan today. We all worked together to make it happen. It didnt' happen. At least not the way I had thought. I had an important person coming to help me with some home projects, so I made red beans and rice. Prepared tilaipia and breaded flounder. My hubby helped me put away the clothes that had taken over the dining room and he also helped me to make brownies. (This is the first time he's baked to my knowledge - so you know this must have been important). The person arrived on time, observed the project I was finishing. I told them that dinner would be ready as soon as I finished, but they said, "Sorry, if I had known I wouldn't have eaten at Wendys." I responded, "Well, we made brownies - I'll make coffee and you can relax for a few minutes." "No thanks, I have Iced Tea in the car." he responded. As you can imagine I was rather stunned. In fact I figured that I could set the food out as they worked on the least involved project on ...

I've been greatly frustrated lately by situations that I have no power to change. I've tried to express my thoughts and feelings, but all the response I get is "Be patient, pray about it, try to understand where that person is coming from..." I've had it. I was discussing the importance of community and how the church could access so many more connections if it were willing to adapt it's approach by being relationship/people centered instead of building centered. In the midst of this conversation, I was derailed by a phone call. On my way to address the call an individual said to me, "It's about time you got up and did something." At first I was ticked. Every day it seems this person has to comment on the why, how, and what I could be doing to be "working". It became apparent that this person has no clue of what my kind of work is, so that takes the sting away from all the sarcastic remarks. In fact, I have no issue with this person at ...

(Artwork by T.L.Eastman) I'm missing the sand between my toes. I'm missing the faces I used to know. I'm longing for the heat of the summer sun. I'm longing for peace - not the undone. Why does the spinning never pause? When the seasons are lost without cause? Where can I find what I'd like like to be- How can the future be so clear to you, but not me? I'm missing the hands the held me so tight. I'm missing the dreams that just fellout of sight. I'm longing for happiness and the light of day. I'm longing for shadows to to run far, far away. Who can I call in in wind and in rain? How you know my loss and my pain? When can you stop and take so much time? Where is love that is beautiful, patient and kind. Spinning lives and racing places - remold my time, my heart and my paces. Stand close to me and hold me upright. You alone understand both my dark and my light - and you hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on so tight.

My children are getting older. About a month ago my kids had their school pictures taken. The photos came back to me last week and I was amazed at the enormous changes that had taken place in the last year. My daughter has grown at least six inches in height since last fall and now thinks it's great that we share the same shoe size. (Great for her as the arch in my left foot is falling, so I have to kiss all my cute flats goodbye- to her.) My son had grown in height and in his imagination as well. By the looks of things at present, my daughter could become a shoe designer or basketball pro and my son could become an artist or a stand up comic. Votes are out on both of them for now, but in ten or twenty years it would be fun to look back on my motherly predictions and most likely be off on both guesses. But I will still keep guessing. It is in the way that we mark time that we find our perspectives on life so changeable. When recalling the days of diaper and high chairs, I may roma...