* For what am I most grateful? Least grateful?
* When did I give and receive the most love? The least love?
* When did I feel most alive? Most drained of life?
* When did I have the greatest sense of belonging? Least sense of belonging?
* When was I most free? Least free?
* When was I most creative? Least creative?
* When did I feel most connected? Least connected?
* When did I feel most fully myself? Least myself?
* When did I feel most whole? Most fragmented?"
(ltuande2.blogspot.com/ ie. mary)
In light of looking at the guidelines for SWB - I think I'd like to alter my approach to the question this week. Instead of the "whole/fragmented" - I'm taking the idea and going with the words: Most grounded/least grounded.
This last week has been a combination of letting go and holding on to many different things. At work, our team succeeded in distributing 610 bags of toys/gifts for the children in our community, as well as Christmas dinner for almost 500 families. It is the moments that I recall taking the application for a client and having the opportunity of handing the hoped for items to them in person that I feel centered. I love the full-circle moments of life!
On my way home the evening of the give-away, I stopped for gas and as I got back into my car it refused to turn over. There I was at the BP, tank filled to the brim with the gas card that had been gifted to me by a dear co-worker - and I was stuck. I felt myself crumbling as I sat in my car. All day long, I had imagined coming home and sitting with my family and enjoying snacks with them after feeling rather absent from them during the hectic social service season...and all my imaginings were a lost to me in that moment at the gas station.
I had a good cry and called my dear co-worker's husband who is our resident mechanic and he just so happened to be on the way home, via my route. He arrived and agreed that the starter had died and tinkered under the hood for several minutes. He told me to get into the car and turn the key and not let up - as I did this he hit the starter with his tire wrench. Like something out of a Christmas movie, the engine started! I hugged the stuffing out of my mechanic and started to cry all over again. Presently, my car is being worked on at my mechanic - it will live to start again.
Later that same evening, we had snacks and goofed off like I had hoped. I slept in late on Saturday and had the fun of shopping with and making cookies with my kids (pre-purchased cookie dough of course). Sunday was church, dinner with my hubby's Mom and presents with her ( I had made her a prayer labyrinth out of clay and was anxious to give it to her.)As we waited for dinner we all danced in the kitchen to the Nutcracker that was playing on Mom's radio. Spinning, turning and dancing about we were there together, present with each other and lost in the joy of the moment. This was the center of my center. After diner, returned to our church in the evening and had a candle service there. After that, we sauntered home to work on the final wrapping and set up for the morning. I called an old friend and asked her if she would go to a Christmas Eve 11pm service with me. She agreed and we have the opportunity to enjoy some carols and communion. I arrived home and got ready for bed and waited for the morning to come...
Christmas was a bit of a blur. We were up to see what Santa had left us by 6am, so the gifts were open and being played with by 7:30. We had coffee, eggs and donuts and were lazy all morning. Dinner was at Mom's, so we packed up exchange gifts and hit the road by 1pm. The dinner was great. We all were sleepy and took turkey naps afterwards while we watched new DVD's.
It is that moment that my reality doesn't match my anticipated reality that I feel the least grounded. Yet in the same way in the moments I allow improve in that I feel the most centered. I supposed it matters if I'm the one opening the door or its the circumstances that barge on in that is the difference. How can it be that the presentation of the surprise makes all the difference in the how it is received? Gifts are like this too. Do I accept the gift no matter the material? Do I carry the weight of the world along with the gift? May I be thankful for the gifts I'm given even in the midst of unexpected chaos. The first Christmas was like that too if you consider the circumstances of Mary, Joseph and the infant Jesus. They held on in the midst of chaos and they were serenaded by angels. Maybe I just need to wait and listen for the music a bit longer?
Créche
by Della Comer MacGillivray
"Twas a star with a twinkling smile
in Heaven above
as angels sang in gladness
on a night of love
Lo! Shepherds followed the star
to a babe whose birth
gave adoring joy for a new born
Christ had come to earth
Three Magi traveled from afar
to lay treasures at his feet
while friendly beasts knelt
homage - complete
A little white dove perched
and cooed in telling glee
"My heart and a lullaby
I give to thee"
(www.swcp.com/authors/skylarking/crechePoem.html)
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