I've got the... after Christmas blues. Do you?

Image found here

It's been said that the first step in dealing with a problem is admitting that you have one. Last Christmas, after all the baking was done, the presents were unwrapped and the tree needed to be taken down, I was overwhelmed by a huge wave of sadness. I bumbled about for the few quiet days after the holiday and kept trying to shake the overwhelming sadness. It wasn't until I admitted to my hubby how I was feeling that I felt any better. For the most part I felt very guilty for feeling bad when I had so much to be thankful for. After taking some time to work through some of what was weighing my heart down, it became easier to deal with and the burden subsided. In all reality the less hectic more restful holiday gave me time to dwell on some things that I hadn't had the time to even consider in several years. The time of quiet allowed me to begin to come to terms with some long standing holiday related stuff.

This year, I've again had the benefit of having a restful post advent season and for that I'm very grateful. Again, in the quiet of an unplanned or scheduled Saturday after Christmas, I began to feel the sadness well up in my heart and overflow as tears from my eyes. The thing about holiday related sadness that is so hard, is that the more you try to ignore it the heavier and more difficult it is to contain. So this time around I let it flow. I was not hiding my sadness very well as my daughter came downstairs this afternoon and said, "HI Mom, what's wrong? Are you upset about...". She hit the nail on the head and insisted I go with her and her friend to the mall.

This goes to prove two things, I don't have a good poker face and my family is very perceptive.

I came across a book called, "I'm proud of you" by Tim Madigan recounting his friendship with Mr. Fred Rogers a day before I began feeling blue. In the pages I turned to, Fred was quoted as saying something like, "Feelings are just there. Trying to act you don't feel a certain way does not make the feelings just go away."
That statement so consistent with the Mr. Rogers I grew up watching on PBS. He had the ability to take something that felt so big or overwhelming and broke it down in a very accessible, burden easing way. This little book I'm sure will be a great read.

Thanks to Fred's words, it was a little easier for me to admit to my family that I was trying to shake the blues and for the most part they have started to subside. The pressure of what causes my post Christmas blues has been let loose so that I can see that it truly is a beautiful day in my neighborhood, even if the blues did stop over at my house. The blues won't be in the house for long now since I've announced their presence. You can't escape the blues, but you can find someone to tell about it. If it would help you to share a statement of some blues, feel free to leave a comment to announce a visitor that may be hanging around. We can always sing the blues together.





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Tea and company

In the restful days after the post advent rush I'm most thankful for the non-rushing aspect of the past couple of days.

I've not set the alarm clock or ran tons of errands. I have had time to enjoys lots of hot tea with my new Aroma electric tea kettle.

Ian got me a new Indian cook book called, Five Spices, with a great basic Chai recipe in it and I had the opportunity to test it out on our good friends Brian, Erika when they came over for a visit the other evening. Note of warning: Don't overfill the tea kettle and add sugar to the boiling contents. The result is a sugary tea volcano all over the kitchen counter and a tea soaked cook book.

As the New Year comes closer, I hope I remember the importance of unhurried cups of tea and chatting with friends. What a lovely Christmas gift: rest.


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All I want for Christmas

In an effort to not chase after material things, I wasn't planning on making a 'wish list' this year. I have so many people and good things in my life, its hard to ask for anything more. But, then I remembered the fun of looking through the Sears wish book as a child and circling the items I most wanted. I think my parents would say: "Choose ten things you'd really like, but three that are your favorites." So here goes my jumping back to childhood wish lists and wonder with the three favorite things I'd like for Christmas...

A cuddly dog friend to go jogging with me:



A movie to unwind with:
Mamma Mia


and SHARPIES! In all the colors of the rainbow to doodle with.


Have fun this holiday season with your family, friends and wish books. Merry Christmas!

Tara

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Honest Scrap Award: 10 things about moi!

I’ve been tagged for the first time with the Honest Scrap Award thanks to Sheri my new blogging friend thanks to taking part in the 'Blog every day for a month' efforts.

So, what does this award mean? It means – “leftovers, fragments, discarded material, and many times truth and honesty is discarded material, considered fragments and left over.” We tell it like it is and let the scraps fall where they may.

The honorees are to: a) first list 10 honest things about yourself - and make it interesting, even if you have to dig deep! B) pass the award on to 7 bloggers that you feel embody the spirit of the Honest Scrap.

1. I love going to the salon. There is something restful and fun about playing with hair color and sharing in conversation in the atmosphere of a salon. My best friend told me the other day that I should buy stock in the local salon I frequent. Maybe so.

2. Music is so much fun that I can never decide what song, style, or artist is my favorite. Lately I've been listening to the Gypsy Kings - fun stuff!

3. Reading is one of my favorite hobbies and I'm often reading 2-3 books at a time. When I really get into a book though, I will read it constantly, putting everything on the back burner to finish it.

4. When I'm talking in the phone in my office, I doodle on my calender or whatever paper I can find.

5. I've tried and tried to find a perfume that I really love and will wear, but what I wear the most are essential oils like: patchouli, Egyptian goddess, or lemon balm.

6. When I go shopping, I always head to the clearance racks first.

7. If I go into a discount book store, I will ALWAYS buy a book.

8. I love to draw with Sharpie markers. Someday, I will have a caddy full of all the colors they make.

9. I dream of performing at the Apollo Theater or a cool jazz club. That would be an amazing experience.

10. Someday, I hope to go to England, Paris, Africa, write a book, and have a studio to tinker with music and art.



There's my ten things for now. Here's who I tag for the Honest Scrap Award: Ian,
Mary Lue, Julia, Matt, Jeff, Bawdy Wench and Neal.

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Where are my gypsy's?

This lyric has been in my notebook since 3/12/08. In light of my musical expereince this last Saturday, I thought it appropriate to post. To all the gypsys out there, we are playing together even though the corners of our worlds may be far far apart.

Melody placed at center stage
looking to engage
the hands and hearts
that would love to come and play.

Where are the gypsy's to sing and play harp,
to the music I hear in my heart?
Where are the gypsy's to dance circles of notes
around the tunes that we impart?

Invitations have been given
but the room is quiet and still.
I'm waiting for those to become aware of its living
and join in creation of song.

Where are the gypsy's to sing and play harp,
to the music I hear in my heart?
Where are the gypsy's to dance circles of notes
around the tunes that you impart?

How long will I wait
for the passionate pace
of my fellow gypsy's gathered for
for music's romance?

Where are the gypsy's to sing and play harp,
to the music I hear in my heart?
Where are the gypsy's to dance circles of notes
around the tune that I impart?

Come share in the laughter, the life and the love
of the music of an every day gypsy that is still looking for her clan.

Here, in the music are my gypsy's. They have been playing here all along.

Copyright 2008 T.L. Eastman

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SWB: Least grateful, most grateful

In the days before Christmas it's hard to think on the areas that I'm least grateful - but it's honest to air out what is challenging and encouraging in life. So here go's the raising of the yeast filled dough for this week:

Least grateful -

Loss: It is difficult for me one month (a little more) after the sudden passing of my friend, William, I realize how often my thoughts turn to our last few conversations. While I'm grateful for getting to meet and get to know him in 08' - I'm sad that all we had to spend together was July through November of 2008. Bill we all are missing you.

Change: Although it teaches me something new each new day, I'm frustrated that 08 has had so much of it. In fact the only consistent thing found in 08' was change. Change, change go away find someone else's place to stay...at least for a while please.

Most grateful -

This year I finished by B.A. program, read a ton of books, wrote and recorded my first album, had a poem publish in my friend Ian's book, trained for and ran in a 5k race, visited California for the first time, went to Pittsburgh three times, had an article published, started as a teaching artist in after school programs, and started ministry at a new church.

When I look back upon the personal progress in 08, I don't bemoan the element of change so much. But I'd be grateful for a pause before the pace of 09' begins. I suppose I'm thankful for the grace and understanding of those around me - even now as I try to live in health and balance. After all, love and understanding change everything.


Image found at Jessie Jacobs at USCD

Peace and Merry Christmas to all

Blizzard day off picture

My friend Julia tagged me to participate in this "Take a photo now!" meme. Oh my, it's my day off, a snow day for the kids and I've just come back from running some errands. So I'm all natural faced and bundled up even in snow pants for the 12 degrees and foot of snow outside. Hopefully, you still love me this way! Next time I get one of these, I'll be more prepared - or maybe that is the point.

Rules

1. Take a picture of yourself.. riiiiiight.. NOW!
2. DO NOT change your clothes. DO NOT fix your hair.. Just take a picture.
3. Post that picture with NO editing.
4. Post these instructions with your picture.
5. Tag 10 people to do this and leave their pics as a comment!

I tag: Ian, Mary Lue, Jay, Aaron, Shannon, Mel's Dream, Elizabeth, Nenni, Lisa Samson, and Sarah Louise!

Christmas Program

Butterflies in tummies filled with cookies and juice.
Glitter and feathers strewn afoot.

Lambs, a donkey, a camel and straw.
All center stage and looking towards the star.

Sweet angel choirs surround Joseph, Mary and the babe.
Retelling the wonder of that miraculous day.

Part of me wonders if we'll ever understand;
God coming to earth as an infant to live on this land.

With darkness and struggle and need all around.
Yet we remember His light in the darkness that surrounds.

In candy cane wishes and sugar plum dreams,
help us to know you better in remembering
You in the wonder that we sing.


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Photo taken at First Lutheran Church Christmas Program December 21st, 2008