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It's been said that the first step in dealing with a problem is admitting that you have one. Last Christmas, after all the baking was done, the presents were unwrapped and the tree needed to be taken down, I was overwhelmed by a huge wave of sadness. I bumbled about for the few quiet days after the holiday and kept trying to shake the overwhelming sadness. It wasn't until I admitted to my hubby how I was feeling that I felt any better. For the most part I felt very guilty for feeling bad when I had so much to be thankful for. After taking some time to work through some of what was weighing my heart down, it became easier to deal with and the burden subsided. In all reality the less hectic more restful holiday gave me time to dwell on some things that I hadn't had the time to even consider in several years. The time of quiet allowed me to begin to come to terms with some long standing holiday related stuff.
This year, I've again had the benefit of having a restful post advent season and for that I'm very grateful. Again, in the quiet of an unplanned or scheduled Saturday after Christmas, I began to feel the sadness well up in my heart and overflow as tears from my eyes. The thing about holiday related sadness that is so hard, is that the more you try to ignore it the heavier and more difficult it is to contain. So this time around I let it flow. I was not hiding my sadness very well as my daughter came downstairs this afternoon and said, "HI Mom, what's wrong? Are you upset about...". She hit the nail on the head and insisted I go with her and her friend to the mall.
This goes to prove two things, I don't have a good poker face and my family is very perceptive.
I came across a book called, "I'm proud of you" by Tim Madigan recounting his friendship with Mr. Fred Rogers a day before I began feeling blue. In the pages I turned to, Fred was quoted as saying something like, "Feelings are just there. Trying to act you don't feel a certain way does not make the feelings just go away."
That statement so consistent with the Mr. Rogers I grew up watching on PBS. He had the ability to take something that felt so big or overwhelming and broke it down in a very accessible, burden easing way. This little book I'm sure will be a great read.
Thanks to Fred's words, it was a little easier for me to admit to my family that I was trying to shake the blues and for the most part they have started to subside. The pressure of what causes my post Christmas blues has been let loose so that I can see that it truly is a beautiful day in my neighborhood, even if the blues did stop over at my house. The blues won't be in the house for long now since I've announced their presence. You can't escape the blues, but you can find someone to tell about it. If it would help you to share a statement of some blues, feel free to leave a comment to announce a visitor that may be hanging around. We can always sing the blues together.
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