Sleeping with Bread Monday - returns

My blogging friend Mary Lue let me in on the prayer practice of Sleeping with Bread about two years ago (wow it's really been two years!). Our little blogging collective had gotten away from regularly posting our Monday prayer blogs, so we're turning over a new-old leaf and starting Monday posts again. Please visit the other bloggers that are participating in "Sleeping with bread Monday" and I'm sure you'll find some thoughts and life stories that will fill your heart and soul.

"The examen, based on the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius, helps a person hold onto what spiritually nourishes him by looking at what is giving him consolation in his life or causing him desolation. It allows someone to express his gratitude to God for the good stuff and turn to him for solace for the bad stuff. It is quite simple. You simply ask yourself, in the last day/week/month what gave me consolation and what caused me desolation.

I've done this with groups of friends and with my family. With the kids, we call it "Best Thing/Worst Thing" and we usually light a candle, have everyone share and then blow the candle out. Mary Lue "

What has given me desolation:



Most of what has caused me some sadness in the past week is connected to find out health issues of some people surrounding me that are potentially serious. It's amazing how one little test can make you more aware of the fragility of life. Health scares are things that bring our big questions to the surface. How could this happen? If this is what is happening, how do I deal with it. It is the feeling of helplessness that is at the root of worry. When I can't do anything to help, I worry. I suppose this springs from the fact that I like to keep things going, revive situations that others may easily give up on or persist in fixing all sorts of problems.

So what happens when the fixing is in the hands of someone else? A doctor, a counselor, another person, how about when the specialist that can only help is God? Wow I talk to God about the problem, often try to give advice on how I best feel it should be handled and eventually try to give the concern to God and try not to take it back and stew over it all over again.

Health problems for people is a difficult challenge for me to face as I personally have lost family and friends to heart defects, cancer, diabetes and other issues. Once you loose a person close to you, it's a natural reaction to not want to feel that loss ever again. But even in all the loss I've experienced, I've also witnessed premature babies that were thought to little and ill to survive - make it. People I know have survived and recovered from terrible car accidents. I've even seen friends beat cancer.

Trying to learn to trust God in the midst of all life's suffering and pleasures is an ongoing lesson. There are actually terms for this mix in life: TOB - full of pleasure, and RA - full of pain. Life has pleasure and it has pain. It's in knowing God is with me - or someone I'm concerned for - that makes the RA bearable.




What has given me consolation:



In the midst of these concerns over the past few weeks, there have been words - and people to remind me of the grace and love God has for me and the people I'm concerned for. In fact, there have been affirming words spoken to me several times this past week that have washed over my heart and settled the worried parts. " I'm so proud of you... I love you... you're awesome... keep positive... you have a beautiful voice...I love your writing...there is an open door there somewhere..." are just the few affirmations of this last week. While most of them are not in context of the areas of concern I've been carrying, the love and support these words give help in the letting go and learning to better trust people and God. I can almost imagine God being the one speaking these words to me. I believe that God is the one prompting these affirmations to come to my ears. I know that God is behind the gentle touch and smile of a friend saying, "it's going to be ok." God is my consolation in all of the TOB and RA of my life and the lives the people I love.

Circumstances don't always make sense, but sense has nothing on a kind word, a gentle smile or extending grace to ourselves as well as others.



"GRACE - U2

Grace
She takes the blame
She covers the shame
Removes the stain
It could be her name

Grace
It's a name for a girl
It's also a thought that changed the world
And when she walks on the street
You can hear the strings
Grace finds goodness in everything

Grace, she's got the walk
Not on a ramp or on chalk
She's got the time to talk
She travels outside of karma
She travels outside of karma
When she goes to work
You can hear her strings
Grace finds beauty in everything

Grace, she carries a world on her hips
No champagne flute for her lips
No twirls or skips between her fingertips
She carries a pearl in perfect condition

What once was hurt
What once was friction
What left a mark
No longer stings
Because grace makes beauty
Out of ugly things

Grace makes beauty out of ugly things"

UPDATE ON TUESDAY:

More RA ---
A previous band mate sent me a message today that her bone marrow tests proved she does in fact have leukemia. Many prayers going out to Rhonda and her family. Much sadness!

And the some TOB ---
My son had some tests last week on his heart that came back questionable.
I got the call today that his re-tests came back all normal and healthy. No restrictions or limitations on his activity.
Much joy!

Here again life is the blending of Tob and Ra.