Some of the things I have been trying to leave behind me are connected to sensitive areas or hurt or loss. Some are connected to my childhood and upheavals in my late adolescence, some are related to my vocation and calling in ministry, but they all prove to be associations or specters of boundaries established by sometimes well-meaning, but short-sighted folks or my own doubting voice. I am trying to uncurl the fingers of past hurt to allow remaining words of doubts, negativity, and fear to be exposed to the light of new opportunity and fresh perspective to provide a healing touch some areas of long-time sensitivity. I sense that even after thinking I've dealt with some things in the past, I find an underlying nagging that I'm not quite done with some of the ghosts yet. As I open up the door and let these things have the chance to speak, I hope that I have the ears to really listen and the heart to feel so that they can truly rest and I can grow through the process.
Thankfully, in the midst of all the ghosts - I feel as if I have a great deal to hold on too. New vision for the present and the future, affirmation in creativity and ministry, the act of making appointments with God ( and keeping them), living and growing in the sacred space that I used to be too busy or impatient to appreciate, and so much more.
One of the hardest things to work through is the loss or change of relationships with people we love. Parents, siblings, co-workers and friends have a way of coming and going in our lives, either physically or in the proximity of closeness we perceive. God, however is always with us. Yes, sometimes we feel the presence of God as close as our own heart beat and sometimes all we can hear is silence, but the fact remains that God is always present. Sometimes we just aren't' tuned in to the right channel or sometimes the quiet is what really need. It's just important for me on this Monday to reaffirm and reflect on the consistency of God in the midst of life and world that is ever changing.
Isaiah 40: 8 The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever."
We all have ghosts in our lives, echos of negative that we struggle to out shout or out live; but we also have ones that speak encouragement, life and hope. In times that I thought God was silent, I now recognise God speaking through those around me, books I read and smiles from strangers on the street. As I become more aware of God's voice and face in my own little world, I hope that I too can be a vessel of God and speak to those around me that are needing to hear words of hope,love, and promise. May I hold on to the words of God and be a satellite for those who are trapped in silence.
Romans 8:37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[m] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
May I hold onto the dreams of life my Creator, Redeemer and Comforter has planted within me knowing I am not alone in working through the nightmares. I am not alone, and neither are you. This is bread to hold on to.