There are ways in the last week that I've felt re-rooted and uprooted and I suppose that is just the way life can be. A few weeks ago, I was bothered by a dream that left me upon waking with an overwhelming sense of failure. I was not feeling or sensing this emotion in my waking existence, but somewhere in my subconscious it was lurking the way this kind of feeling lurks in dark corners of the psyche only to find release in REM moments of dreamland. It was a bad dream. I don't remember much of the details, just an oppressive feeling of.. "I really messed up and it can't be fixed."
For the most part, I shrugged off this seemingly random dream and went about my life. I was at the NYWC in Pittsburgh, so I had lots of things to keep me busy and occupied. I resumed the pace of life when returning home to my family and my work and planned out the remaining months of the year of youth activities and gatherings without so much as missing a beat. That is until tripping over the words of a friend and co-worker last Sunday morning.
The scripture chosen for the day was the parable of the talents. So there was much thinking on the area of gifts and the use of gifts. Needless to say, it got me thinking on all the hopes and dreams I have and maybe, just maybe some of the shortfalls of the past came to mind. Maybe even some of the feelings of that random dream came creeping along too... that is until I heard someone say my name and came back to the reality of Sunday morning worship where I was sitting.
My friend said to me... " Tara, God did not call you here to fail."
That was it - simple and direct - in the middle of his message to the church members gathered. In the middle of the message, was a direct message to me - me! My nightmare was obliterated in a few powerful words.
Forget the dream and feelings of failure - God has a different plan than you can imagine. In the words of Krista Tippett, " ...each of us, flawed and inadequate as we may feel, has exactly what's needed to help repair (or accomplish what needs to be done) the part of the world that we see and touch" (Speaking of Faith, pg 184.)
Wherever I feel rooted or uprooted, God is sufficient - more that sufficient really. Though I felt affirmed and moved to tears in worship by the words that addressed me last Sunday morning, I was not fully aware of their magnitude in the coming day.
Monday afternoon, a new but particularly close friend of mine died suddenly from a massive heart attack. I feel totally uprooted by his death and yet I know that my presence at his funeral later today will be a rooting experience for me. It is a reality check and a opportunity of re-rooting in grace that I'm holding onto today.
I know that God is the root and I'm a branch that has experienced pruning in the past, in today and in will come again in the future. Even in pain, growth occurs - sometimes even more so. Today I will do my best to be a advocate for "tikkun olam" - repair the world, even if it is only my small section of branches.
Hold on to the bread. Hold fast to the root.
Tara
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