Holy Conversations: Where did I first meet God?

Where did I first meet God?

Thankfully, my childhood experience and introduction to God is filled with memories of sitting close to my Dad, holding his hand during prayer, listening to music and the messages, and feeling wrapped in safety as light shone through the stained glass windows of the sanctuary. I recall the pastor preaching a series on committing our lives to the practice of loving others the way Jesus did. Each week, when he would ask if anyone in the congregation would like to recommit their hearts to Christ and his way of life my heart would thump loud in my ears and tears would come to my eyes. It was if a magnet would pull my hand high above my head. I'd look up to see if he'd seen my hand and refuse to put it down till he smiled and nodded in my direction. "I see that hand.", he'd say in a kind and comforting way.

After a few weeks of this, Pastor C. stopped to chat with my Mom and Dad and I one week. He said, "I noticed that each week you keep raising your hand. Is there something worrying you concerning your love for God?"

I replied with wide eyes, "Pastor, I can't help but raise my hand. I want to God to know I love him and want to love him more!" The Pastor said."God knows you love him Tara, he sees into your heart and can see it quite clearly."

I wonder today about that pull I felt to let God know I loved him back. When I was a child it seemed so simple to be aware of God's love and care for me. I'd see God's care in the sky as I swung on my swing set singing Zip-e-dee-do-dah, I'd feel the Holy Spirit's touch in the warm breeze or the warmth that would wash over me when I took communion. My magnet for God was so sensitive as a child. As time passes, it seems that frustration with a system, or discouragement can dull the built-in sense of the divine that was so acute in childhood.

Even now when I regain that awareness of God's presence, it's when I abandon my cares and worry and allow the Holy Spirit to wash over me. It's like a re-baptism really. Laying down one way of life and being raised to live a brand new one with all my awareness of God turned up high.

I sense God's presence in the times that I make room for the space of movement, the connection of positive energy in relationship with others, in worship, in play and even in singing a verse of zip-a-dee-do-dah! Oh what a beautiful day!

Thank you God for loving me, and knowing that in my heart I love you too.

This essay is part of a group discussion that takes place at First Lutheran Church of Jamestown, NY. We also carry on an online discussion on Facebook at the Holy Conversations group page. Feel free to join our group Wed. Feb. 10th at noon or anytime at the online group location. To order your copy of Holy Conversations, click here.

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Uphill idealist

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