Uphill idealist

At age 22 I didn't have a clue but had my husband and baby too. Lived inside an old business school, which was really cool and big too. My heart was full of optimism, energy and hope. Drove a used Omni car, it got us here and there; but not too for too long by far. I did what I could to love my baby, husband as I best could.  My friends were so close: next door, upstairs and a stroller walk if I needed to see them and should. Now at 42 I know enough to say I probably still don't have a clue. Living in a house full of life and promise and time. I drive my days and hope to stretch them to last just a little bit longer and fuller. How about you? Doing my best, knowing I'm blessed and thankful for grace to start again. My heart is open to what's just round the bend and beating with the hope that brought it to life way back then... at  age 22. How about you?

Ashville General Store is one of my favorite diner/restaurants to go to in our area. This photo is of three generations of Eastman ladies all brought together by "The General" as I call it, and Arizona Green Tea. To the ladies I share this photo with (my mother-in-law Janet and my daughter Heather>) - CHEERS! I love you. Thank you for all the laughter that day and everyday.

Through a series of amazing circumstances and the generosity of the Chaffee group - my church had the honor of hosting a leg of Don Miller and Susan Issacs "Million Miles Tour" in the fall of 2009. I was so excited and blessed to be able to meet Don and Susan as well as have the chance to introduce their work to some new people. It was a wonderful night indeed!

This photo was taken around August of 1992. It's a photo of Ian and I a few months after we married in June but at an outdoor wedding of my friend and co-worker Tammie. I was in the bridal party and wore this dress because it was my favorite. (I'd slowly laid away this $50.00 dress at "Lerner" in the Chautuqua Mall for what seemed forever.) At this point, Ian and I had been together since September of 1988 and those five years seemed such a long time. Now we've been married for almost 19 years! What also makes this photo special to me, is that it includes someone else I've know for quite a while... my daughter Heather. I had just found out that I was expecting and we would have our first child the following March.

Image from Fudge Graphics. The days of Summer 2010 were: Getting lost on a trail hike at a park... we got caught up in conversation that we passed our parking area. Watching my kids grow up even more. Shouting while running from bear, "Bear in yard - NOT KIDDING!" Playing music with friends Busker's style. Saying farewell to a dear friend: Patrick Moser Painting a big outdoor and indoor mural and making a new friends in the process. Laughing and teaching the kids at VBS. Getting really tan - for me. :) Finding a new home for Roxy and finding my new-to-me green machine. Knowing I can run to the top of that hill - and back. :) Lake Chautauqua Lutheran Center Summer Camp sessions. Sharing my veggie share with my friends. Waldameer Park day. Sunrises Sunsets and dinners at Grandma's house after lawn work and swimming in the pool. What a lovely summer...

So once upon a time, there was this kid who thought nothing they did was right, mattered or did anything but cause problems. This kid was sometimes called a boat rocker. It's not like this kid, we'll call him Joe, ran the streets or anything. It's just that 'Joe' always had a question, thought about things in ways others didn't, and had a hard time with algebra. These differences were just enough to place Joe in that space of being, or thinking he was an outsider. There was a time in Joe's family that was really difficult. His sister had died after a long illness and had left the family numb and grieving. His sister was a great person. She was always kind, never a challenge and even though she had trouble with math too - she was so genuinely good, most people never noticed. Months had passed after his sister's death, and Joe came to the point in his grief that he wondered why he, the boat-rocker, had not been the one to be taken. Since his sister's d...

Nutter Butter Cookies remind me of summers camping with my Mother and Father in law in a 1975 Winnebago. The cookies are in red plastic wrapping, in a plastic tray and the cookies are shaped like Mr. Peanut and filled with peanut butter. These cookies travel well. My daughter was a little over one the first trip and the summer after that a little over two. It was always an adventure. One summer we drove up to Maine in the Winnebago. I read the book Certain Women by Madeline L'Engle on the fourteen hour drive. I remember it being the first long book I'd read since my daughter had been born. I could read because she sat content being co-pilot in her car seat, sipping bunny apple juice boxes, and smiling at her Grandfather as he smiled back at her. I remember at the time wondering how I could pack up my baby for a week each summer and simply take off for a Winnebago adventure with no clock and no control of the plans. When I looked at the Nutter Butter Cookies yesterday, I was r...

Stained glass @ Casa online . When I was a little girl some of the things I remember most about Sunday mornings in church were: the rich colors of the stained glass groovy (or so I thought) windows, drawing pictures all over every centimeter of the visitor cards with the tiny pencils that were in the pew, and sitting next to my Dad and holding his hand. I remember looking forward to prayer, because it was when I usually grabbed my Dad's hand tight. It was a moment I felt safe, loved and understood. Dad's hands were work weary. He was a police officer and also moonlighted as a home contractor. Sometimes his hands would have wood stain on them, they were rough and often he would have some cuts here and there from working with wood or a purple thumbnail from missing a nail and hitting it with a hammer. Somehow, I was never put off by the life wear that was so visible in his hands. I can still picture Dad in his three piece gray or brown suit looking so put together, but his hands ...

Photo from Digital Retouch Old movies flicker with faces from the past. Without these images who would known that their names would last. Tear filled eyes overwhelmed with the vision of fuzzy faced memories now in focus of their living. The lives that they lived and the people they met, seem to have faded away like yellowed newspapers. Yet, here they are remembered in a technicolor DVD dream. Antiques of humanity, driving beautiful old cars look so enchanting in their everyday wars. Playing with children and cutting homemade wedding cakes. Looking at these flashes of their lives makes me wonder what impact ours will make.

At book club earlier this week, the topic of memory came into the discussion. We talked about the different kinds of memory we all have and use. People cramming text books of information into their heads just long enough for college exams, people reciting phone numbers long enough to get in touch with a plumber, or learning a poem so it can be recited for a Christmas program. So much memory is held in that temporary file and exchanged throughout the day, I got to thinking. What memories and thoughts do we really hold on to? Its often said that elephants never forget. When I was a kid I used to picture an elephant with all sorts of strings tied around it's trunk, limbs and tail when that would be said. I'd often wonder why anyone or anything would want to remember everything they've ever seen, experienced or said. Even now, I can't imagine retaining all that information. There are things I wish I could remember better though. When thinking of fuzzy memories of loved on...

Lightening rods It was a year ago this weekend that Phyllis Tickle came to the church I was serving at for a weekend long retreat to discuss the emergent/emerging church and her then upcoming book, "The Great Emergence" . This year there was another weekend gathering in Tennessee called, "The Great Emergence" . They had additional speakers, ( Tony Jones , Doug Pagitt , Nadia Boltz-Weber , Lisa Samson and many more!) but the main focus was on Phyllis's newest book discussing the shifts and changes occurring in the church today. In recalling last year's mini preview event, I feel so blessed to have had the opportunity to meet and get to know Phyllis as well as Karen Sloan , (author of "Flirting with Monasticism" ) who attended and led a session last year. It is exciting to have people in our lives that are something like lightning rods. People who challenge us, help us focus on the important things, and help us to remember the importance of joy and...

Pic Heather took of me October 2008. Least grateful for: The mouse that has taken up residence in my kitchen since the nights have turned cold. Discussions that only run in circles because one or both parties in the discussion aren't listening and only want to be "right". Leaves that fall in my yard the day after I thought they were all raked and chopped up in my reel mower. Seeing things glass half empty. Home and appliance repairs that need to be done. Learning how to re-balance everything in my life. Being late with Sleeping with Bread. Pic Heather took of me Oct. 2008 Prime Minister Crew 1990 or so. Most grateful for: The way and means of relocating Mr. Mouse. Discussions that run all over the place, where everyone is heard as well as listened too and great discoveries are made in all the conversational meandering over coffee and tea. Canopies of yellow, orange and red that fall and cover the neighborhood like a cozy blanket. Knowing that things are really glass half ...